I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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