i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
