I'm laying in your front yard are you home
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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