Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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