Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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