idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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