I wannas sexs uuuuu
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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