I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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