I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
