Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
