Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
