life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
