official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
