i think my tv is drunk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
