Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My penis needs a shock collar
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
