Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
