IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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