she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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