Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
