make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
