The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
