this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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