I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
