He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
