Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
His nipple licking is glorious
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