my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
