hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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