my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
