I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dick very happy bro
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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