they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
