just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
