True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
