You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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