Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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