1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
