She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
