I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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