There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
