His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
