he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
