I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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