FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
