My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
