So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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