The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
