Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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