is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
