Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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