yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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