Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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