Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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