I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
