If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
