I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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